Leaving Home, Letting Go...

"This is the hour of lead
Remembered if outlived,
As freezing persons recollect the snow--
First chill, then stupor, then the letting go."

~Emily Dickinson poem, starts "After a Great Pain, A Formal Feeling Comes."

My son Timothy left home for studies in London, in mid September, 2008.

He has always been our 'little' boy, although taller and bigger than I. Somehow, it was easier for him than it has been for us, his parents.

The past 2 years haven't been very easy for both of us. He and I have been having this perennial tussle of minds, his constant tugging to break free, to do his own thing, the way he sees fit. And many of these headstrong decisions appear to conflict with mine...

I supposed my wife and I had been too possessive, too 'controlling' over all his affairs, thus far. We've hitherto looked after all his needs, and he had to live under our shadows, literally... He has muttered that as parents and especially me, we have been too much of control-freaks!

But this time when we left him in London, he didn't quite say it, but he appeared to be ready to be on his own. He's been away from us now for nearly 3 weeks, and he has been fending for himself, attending college, finding new friends and getting along... fine.

I suppose it is difficult to let go, to accept that he has become his own man—individual and independent, well, nearly so.

(Letting Go is incidentally the first novel of one of my favourite authors, Philip Roth, published in 1962.)

He is making many of his own decisions, some very momentous ones, all on his own.

Perhaps, as parents we hope deep down that he will make his life decisions, with the faint lingering memory of some of the little 'right' things that we have imparted to him... He has by all intents and purposes, flown the coop.

"Since I am put to know that your own science
Exceeds, in that, the lists of all advice
My strength can give you: then no more remains,
But that to your sufficiency as your Worth is able,
And let them work."
~William Shakespeare, in Measure for Measure

... Just spoke to my son through skype, a truly wonderful and free video-chat. Have also today been introduced to fring.googletalk (by good friend Muruga now based in Mumbai, via his iPhone), which would make video calls also free via cellphones through wifi, or 3G—truly great technological wonders for ease of communication worldwide.

It is good to see your loved ones and speak to them, as if they are just a few doors away... Distance is no longer what it used to be, with the instantaneous readiness at our fingertips.

It is easier to let go, knowing that we can reach out quite easily, and each knowing that we can be contactable just as conveniently and freely. It's just the time difference, and finding the same moments to connect.

Tim appears well, has been meeting up with a couple of his friends also from Malaysia, one at Imperial and another at LSE. But he has been literally penny-pinching on his lunch with home-made sandwiches; says his dinners and weekend lunch menus have yet to be recycled, so not too boring yet... He's lost weight about an inch around the waist, says mum's cooking is incomparable, which brings tears to my wife...

But at least we get to see and speak to each other. Hooray for skype, MSN messenger, fring, etc! The world is truly our oyster, definitely and eminently within reach—what with email, sms, video-chats, skype, and now even fring?